Drowning in the Shallows: Needing Air, Refusing to Ask

Drowning in the Shallows: Needing Air, Refusing to Ask

Have you ever heard of “quiet drowning”? Quiet drowning, often described by water-safety experts as the instinctive drowning response, does not look like thrashing, waving, or shouting.

Instead, it looks like this:

• Silence (the person cannot yell for help)

• Vertical posture in the water

• Small, ineffective arm movements

• Wide or unfocused eyes

• Exhaustion that happens quickly

• Being close to others who don’t realize what’s happening

People who are drowning are using all their energy just to breathe. They don’t have the ability to call out.

That’s why drownings often happen in shallow water, near lifeguards, and/or around family and friends

No one notices—until it’s too late.

In essence, quiet drowning is struggling without signaling distress.

Spiritually, it looks like this:

• Still showing up

• Still serving

• Still singing

• Still saying “I’m fine.”

All while slowly losing air.

You’re not rebelling. You’re not walking away. You’re just running out of breath.

Quiet drowning is not dramatic. It’s invisible.

In shallow water, we assume “I should be able to stand here,” “I shouldn’t need help yet.” Or maybe “Others have it worse.” Shallow water feels safe. After all, we think, My feet can still touch the bottom.

These assumptions keep us silent.

But people don’t drown only in deep water.

They often drown standing up, exhausted, swallowing water slowly—in the shallows.

Quiet Drowning and Shallow Faith

We can experience quiet drowning in our spiritual lives as well. That’s the kind of faith James and Jesus expose in James 4:2 and Matthew 20:32.

In James 4:2, James says, “You do not have, because you do not ask (ESV).”

He’s talking to Christians who are living in shallow faith, wanting more of God but staying polite about it, needing help but refusing to admit they’re desperate, standing in water that keeps rising while insisting, “I’ve got this.” He’s talking to believers who are close enough to the shore to feel safe, but too hesitant to cry out.

In the shallows, we assume we can manage. We wait until we’re already gasping before asking for help. Instead, we drown quietly.

In Matthew 20:32, Jesus asks the blind men, “What do you want me to do for you?” (ESV) Why would he ask these blind men a question with an obvious answer?

Because sometimes, we just have to say it out loud. Not saying it keeps us stuck.

And notice…Jesus doesn’t rescue them until they name their need.

You don’t get pulled out of the water by standing quietly and hoping Jesus notices.

Peter understood this. In Matthew 14, Peter boldly steps out of the boat to walk on the water, but as he nears Jesus, his confidence falters, and he begins to sink beneath the waves.

“Lord, save me!”

Three words. No theology. No explanation. No dignity. This is not a calm prayer—it’s a gasp for air.

This is the opposite of quiet drowning. Quiet drowning stays silent. Peter calls out, and Jesus responds immediately: “Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him” (Matthew 14:31, ESV). Rescue happens the instant the silence breaks.

Peter is not in deep water. He’s close enough for Jesus to reach him. That’s the irony. Peter was close to Jesus, close to safety, but he was still sinking.

The shallows are dangerous because they lead us to believe we can recover on our own.

But Peter doesn’t wait until he’s gone under. He doesn’t pretend he’s okay. He doesn’t drown quietly. The moment Peter admits he’s sinking is the moment he’s saved.

Why We Drown Where We Should Be Safe

James shows us the danger. Jesus shows us the rescue. Peter shows us the example.

• James says: You’re drowning because you won’t ask.

• Jesus says: I’m here—but I need you to speak.

• Peter says: Forget about your pride. Call on Jesus.

The shallows are deceptive…too deep to breathe freely and too shallow to surrender fully

That’s where people drown spiritually—close to Jesus, near community, familiar with church—but never desperate enough to cry out. Too proud to ask for more, too afraid to go deeper, to be vulnerable, to be seen as “weak.”

Shallow faith doesn’t refuse God—it refuses vulnerability.

But vulnerability is how rescue begins.

If Jesus stopped and asked you today, “What do you want me to do for you?” would you finally say it out loud?

The moment you ask is the moment you stop drowning.

Warning Signs: Am I Quietly Drowning?

Use this checklist honestly. These signs are subtle—because drowning in the shallows usually is.

Spiritual & Emotional Signals

☐ I feel tired in my faith but don’t know how to explain why
☐ I keep telling myself, “I should be fine by now.”
☐ My prayers have become vague, short, or infrequent
☐ I want God’s help, but haven’t clearly asked for it
☐ I feel close to Jesus—but disconnected from His presence

Behavioral Signs

☐ I’m still serving, leading, or showing up—but with little joy
☐ I avoid honest conversations about how I’m really doing
☐ I feel pressure to appear strong or put-together
☐ I stay busy to avoid feeling what’s underneath
☐ I hesitate to ask for help because others “have it worse.”

Relational Signs

☐ I feel unseen even when surrounded by people
☐ I withdraw emotionally but not physically
☐ I fear being a burden if I speak up
☐ I assume no one would really understand
☐ I hope someone notices instead of saying something

Faith-in-the-Shallows Indicators

☐ I rely on familiarity instead of dependence
☐ I mistake proximity to God for intimacy with God
☐ I believe deep faith is for “later” or “other people”
☐ I expect change without surrender
☐ I’m standing where it should be safe—but I’m struggling to breathe

If You Checked Several Boxes

This is not a failure of faith. It may be a signal. People rarely drown because they rebel. They drown because they stay silent. Shallow water convinces us we shouldn’t need help. Jesus interrupts that lie with a question: “What do you want me to do for you?” (Matthew 20:32)